Meditation: An Actualizing and Self-reflective Practice

Below I go into the theory and then the nuts and bolts of the practice. If you just want to skip to the experience of the practice, please feel welcome to skip ahead to the section titled The Practice and read the theory at your leisure.

Premise of an IFS Based Meditation

As I observe my inner state, and my inner state reflexively becomes aware of the witnessing and healing “I” that I am, the observed state of who I am expands to include that which is observed.

In IFS, that means that each phase of relationship of self to part is a step towards self actualization. The relationship moves from 1) awareness: Self becomes aware of a part and activates a Self based invitation to relate to the part, 2) parts acceptance and relationship building between Self and part, 3) trust and interdependence in the relationship between part and Self grow culminating in a reconciled relationship between part and Self, 4) the part feels safe to unburden: shifting into a state of Self Energy as energy that had been previously allocated to it’s role and role’s correlating responsibilities no longer need to be upheld, 5) expansion and increase of parts capacity as it reclaims the capabilities of Self Energy that are unique to it and paradoxically contiguous to Self, and finally 6) harmonic relationship also known as integration: part and Self are harmonious and the actualized activity of part is originated from Self. During this process, Self naturally leads from compassion and in the process the part finds it safe to lead from compassion as well. Compassion is genuine and cannot be imitated. This compassion continues to direct the process of Self reflective inner inquiry as it meets parts and grows in capacity and expressive actualization.

Planned and Responsive Meditation

Meditation is generally planned and practiced without a stimulus that is possibly causing the loss of balance in Self Energy or it is responsively practiced due to the presence of an engaging stimulus. Both practices engage dialogue with parts and expansion of Self and both forms of meditation are valuable and nurture one another. Planned practice can make the practice efficient overtime and more easeful to call up responsively. Responsive meditation needs to be engaged to the extent that external factors do not need immediate attention. In cases where a stimulus is needing immediate response, there is a way to engage an embodied Self led response. That practice is described later in the blog.

The Practice

Setting aside at least 30 minutes of time may be helpful in being able to center in Self Energy, meet parts and return to a primarily Self-led and Self engaged space.

The Practice: Settling In

Finding a comfortable place and easeful, natural position where breathing or staying still will not be encumbered, mindfully shift one’s attention inward.

The Practice: Noticing Parts

Once settled some folks choose to scan their body or inner field for parts. Others simply center in Self led curiosity and ask for parts that would like to be acknowledged during the meditation to come forward. You might even have a part that you had an intention of working with that you invite during your meditation.

Parts might be found as a sensation in the body, an awareness or knowing that arises, a thought or a feeling or embodied response to a remembered stimulus. Parts may communicate kinesthetically, through colors, sounds/tones, other senses or dialogue. Some folks have known parts by a sudden tightness or tingling in the body, others just sense a shift in their mood or feeling…notice parts as it feels comfortable and natural for you to do so.

If you find multiple parts arise during your meditation, feel free to thank them for showing up and becoming known and then decide together with your parts which one you will focus on getting to know during the remainder of the IFS based meditation. Once the part is selected, check in and see if there are any parts that might have any objections to you getting to know this part today and be mindful of any concerns that parts name. You might assure other parts that you will not collude with this part, you are just practicing listening, that’s all. (If they are still wary, other parts can agree on a way to get your attention instead of blending or knocking you out, if dialogue feels unsafe or concerning. I like to offer that they can wave a flag or tap Self on the shoulder and that they practice once before proceeding. )

Once you have selected a part to get to know, thank the others for offering space for you to get to know this part at this time and if honest, acknowledge that you will get to know other parts who would like to be known during a future meditation (It’s best to not make promises to your parts you are not sure you can keep, as you are building trust.)

Focusing on the selected part for the meditation, you can ask this part to share with you one thing it would like you to know during this time, trying something simple like finding out what is this parts name and role or favorite color or thing to do. Try to stay present with the part.

(*If other parts get triggered and try to interrupt your connection with the selected part, see if they would be willing to give some space to you getting to know this part and see if there is a concern they’d like you to be aware of before continuing. Remember these parts are ultimately looking out for safety and building trust with Self, so easy does it.)

Once you have witnessed what the part wanted to share, you can reflect back to it what you learned and ask it if there is any last thing it would have you know for this meditation.

After listening to the part, thank that part and the other parts that offered the space for this meditation. Notice the quality of Self in this moment. If natural, Self might share how it feels towards the part (remember Self will not be activated against the part, part is naturally compassionate, calm and curious. If another type of response arises, you might get curious about another part that has arisen in response and acknowledge and thank it for its presence. )

The Practice: Closing

Once the parts have been thanked, you might gently bring your awareness back to the state of Self Energy. You might choose to enjoy this state of Self Energy for a period of remaining time.

When you are ready to come out of the meditation, you might thank yourself for showing up for the meditation and gently bring your awareness back to your senses and if your eyes were closed, gently open your eyes, staying engaged in Self Energy.

You might choose to take some notes on what your parts shared. Some folks like to stretch or move in ways to fully engage Self Energy in the body. Welcome yourself back into the space and take a moment to get acquainted with your embodied Self Led presence in the environment, before engaging in your next activity.

Remember, being Self led can be an active form of bringing Self Energy to your daily activities. Self energy is meant to be activated throughout the day.

The Practice: Traditional Eastern Yoga and Meditation

Traditional Yoga and Meditation offer a great way to bring Self Energy into daily life. In fact, Hatha Yoga has been regarded as a practice for bringing the consciousness gained during meditation to the moving and engaged body. Yoga presents a practice for maintaining and growing Self led consciousness moment to moment. Having a conscious or mindful practice that does this, whether it is yoga or something else that is peace based, can help to grow Self Energy strength and presence.

The Practice Under Duress or Agitation

When in a space of duress or agitation, there is a simpler way to practice being actively Self led. One can simply begin to list the parts as the present. Simply by being acknowledged, often parts will yield more space for Self Energy. If one is under much duress, an IFS Practitioner can facilitate this process and then go deeper into the practice as time permits.

If parts are needing more attention than acknowledgement to feel settled, you might ask them to share one phrase that that part would really have you know in that moment. Self is encouraged to reflect back what it hears so the part feels gotten or understood. Some parts may need more genuine empathy before they feel a sense of ease. In these case, if time permits, a simple empathic guess about the role (aka the behavior of the part), the need it is trying to meet and the feeling underneath might help to create more space for Self Energy.

When there is more space in the system after parts have been agitated, it is essential to schedule time to meet with them again later proactively, rather than parts losing trust that you will engage with them again. If you need support with this, don’t hesitate to call an IFS Professional, like myself.

An expanded blog entry on working with rapid presentation of multiple parts will be written in the future, so please feel free to check back if that interests you.

Self energy is self recharging

If IFS work feels straining, it is often because it is being taken on by parts that profess to be Self led, but are more likely Self imitating. Though those parts mean well, they need care too, as they are not engaging Self energy from that naturally regenerative state, so they are more prone to empathic burnout and the like.

Often eager beginners to IFS will have a Self imitating part, often also called Self like, that is running the practice. I personally appreciate these parts getting the practice going on behalf of the system.

At some point, that part and the rest of the system will benefit from that part not being burdened or strained from that role and instead practicing having Self lead the practice. For the system and Self like parts gaining trust that Self Energy can show up reliably and do this takes time. If you are interested in how this relationship of trust is built up, I’ll be publishing a blog entry on that at some point. As well an IFS Professional can walk you through that process. Folks are encouraged to be patient throughout the process and remember these Self like parts have nobly held the fort down for so long, so appreciating their efforts mindfully without colluding or enabling, can go a long way.

Have hope, as the naturally compassionate presence of Self in an IFS Practice is always available somewhere in the individual no matter what is causing discomfort, challenge or concern.

-Empowered Wellbeing October 20, 2019